Sunday, April 3, 2011

Construction Update

I received the following email yesterday, regarding construction taking place near my dorm:

[Begin Forwarded Message]

Dear Members of the Tufts Community:

As some of you may have noticed, there have been many construction workers operating in the area between South Hall and the Campus Center. We have received many calls and emails from the community regarding the noise from this project. We apologize for any inconveniences this may have caused. However, we feel that, given the nature of the project, it was imperative that we begin construction as early as possible.

For the past 10 years, Lawrence Seldon Bacow and Adele Fleet Bacow have been an integral part of the Tufts community. While we in no way wish to belittle the legacy they have left in our hearts, we are incredibly grateful for the generous legacy the Bacows have decided to leave to the campus.

Although they prepare to depart from the Hill, the Bacows will continue to be a strong presence on campus. We are pleased to announce that, thanks to a considerable donation from our university's First Family, a monumental marble statue, towering at 20 feet tall, will be erected in the space beside the Performance Hangar. Larry's likeness and the surrounding hillside will be renamed the "Bacow Pavilion."

This statue will be the largest monument to be built on campus since the model of Jumbo replaced our beloved mascot in the 1970s. In light of the recent cancellation of the Nighttime Quad Reception, the administration hopes that new and meaningful traditions will be built around the Pavilion. The official ribbon-cutting ceremony is scheduled to take place May 21st, the evening before Commencement, so that the graduating class of 2011 and their families will have the honor of being the first to behold this monolithic marvel.

Several members of the Board of Trustees have raised concerns in regard to the possibility of overshadowing the university's only other statue on campus: Jumbo the Elephant. In an exclusive conference, board members met to determine whether or not the mascot would need to be renamed in order to reflect the apparent discrepancy in relative size. Suggested replacement names included "Dogo," "Tiny," and "Peanut." President Bacow spoke out against this idea, saying, "Between the train and the fire, the poor mammal has suffered enough."

We hope that this tribute will leave a lasting impression on the community, long after students have outgrown their "Larry Bacow is my Homeboy" T-shirts.

Any further questions related to the construction project should be directed to:

Olaf P. Loris
Office of the Bacow Legacy
Ballou Hall, 8th Floor
Medford, MA 02155

[End Forwarded Message]

Someone had fun crafting this for April Fool's Day. Nice work!

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